- 20 Posts
- Age 17
You called me up.
I wondered why you were calling. There's no need to say more; all was said and done.
I gave you up. I lost you. I pushed you away.
I didn't care. It doesn't matter that now I do. All is already gone. I cannot accept you into my heart anymore. Your childish spirit doesn't belong in my body anymore. I want you to come back, I try to recreate your playful spirit everyday but it's useless.
I am changed. I am grown up now. A child's face doesn't fit me anymore, child's words don't feel right anymore. I am an adult, I have to be an adult. I have to grow up. And you calling me and me wanting your return just make things worse.
You're holding me back. I have to step away from you, release my hand from your weak but obliging grip. I need to let go.
Things around me are happening. Chances are flying by, people are coming, visiting, going away, dreams are waiting on their fulfillment. I have to react. I have to be quick and efficient. I can't let a chance of a lifetime escape from my grip, I can't let some people buy a one way ticket away from me.
I need to be here. I need to behave like I'm here. I'm not in the past anymore. I am not with you anymore.
We are not together. We are not one.
I lost you, too soon that's true, but I would have lost you anyways later on.
You carry my baby face, you reflect my fluffy dreams, you talk with me like with a 5 year old.
I can't afford to have you in my life anymore. You ruin things.
I love you.
But you ruin everything.
And it's time for you to stop haunting me.
I will always love you, I will always regret the things I missed out on, I'll always regret not keeping you longer.
But it's too late to make amends now. I've changed, I've grown.
Stop calling me. Stop appearing in my dreams. Stop making me avoid people. Stop making me go after childish things.
You are a product of my mind. You keep ringing up in my head every morning and we keep on having the same conversations in the evening.
I am done. I can't do this anymore and I try really hard not to want to.
So kiss me goodbye, old me. You have to.
I won't return your call this time.