It wasn’t until last year that I realized just how irregular my sleep pattern is. I had days that went by really quickly and nights that lasted forever. I deal with insomnia. At its worst, I would be sleeping two and a half hours a day. I firmly believe it’s from anxiety and an active mind that has been trained to constantly be busy.
I just watched Eve Cornwell’s video on productivity, and it inspired this blog. In that she brings up a very important point that I tend to forget when thinking about productivity and work. That we were not made to constantly be at work. Productivity is a capitalist concept that we have thought to be some sort of measurement of our self worth. But somehow knowing this, I still feel guilty for resting.
I face burnout a lot, and that burnout is caused by this constant need to be productive and to be working towards the next thing. I have also noticed this being reflected in how I celebrate my achievements. By this I mean that I don’t celebrate them at all. I am always putting off celebrating the things that I accomplish because I feel dissatisfied and that I must be working toward the next step while completely ignoring the one that I have just crossed. This is something I’m working on, but is an example of what my addiction to constant work has done to my brain.
We are more than how much we do, or how much we accomplish. Life is hard enough as it is, and some days, the best thing you can do is simply exist, and that’s okay. I’m trying to treat my body and mind less like machines, and more like what they are. A body and a mind that need to be nurtured and cared for. I’m learning to accept that sometimes my best is just existing, and even that is just enough.
So if all you’ve done is just exist, I’m proud of you. Tomorrow will be better. Today, just focus on taking care of you. Even if it's all you do, I promise you’ve done enough <3