The change within myself

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The written copy of the blog and my favourite pen !

These days when I wake up, I can see the world reverberating around me in its glory. The mornings embrace me and give me hope and courage to move along... But it wasn't like this a few months ago...

As an eighteen-year-old boy, I'm sure that I haven't seen the world enough to make a clear perspective and I know a major part of it is lying ahead, to greet me with many surprises. But in seventeen years, I feel so happy like never before...

It all happened on those quarantine days when I was converged into my world. It's when I started to see the world through a different dimension. Months ago, back on those normal days, I used to be a normal teenager, finding a million reasons to make me depressed. I've always seen negatives in everything or better say, gave rather more importance to those not-so-good remarks. Even if I had a hundred good things happening around me, a single bad thing was sufficient to make me upset, and of course, they came in like old friends, soaking me deep in tears...

I almost had clashes with classmates and roommates and I was mentally so unbalanced. I always lived in the memory of those bad things that happened, ruining the whole time...

I lost my interest in almost everything and that time seemed like a burden for me... I was so shattered, so down and many times I thought that I don't suit in this world, that I'm not worthy to live here, but the presence of my loved ones and the dreams I have kept me pushing forward.

I had no hope for myself at that time and that's when the quarantine started. I was in my home all the time and it felt kind of comfortable because it always seemed hard for me when it comes dealing with people. I had nothing to do at that time so I started to do new things and experiment with things that I've never done before. I started to hear a lot of songs and it became my hobby to write down my favourite lyric portions... I started to engage with more people.

Whenever I try to speak with a stranger, my inner introvert self used to pull me back. So I thought it is the first thing that I need to change in myself. I started to meet a lot of people on online platforms and many of them became good companions. One of my classmates gave me the idea of keeping a bucket list and so I tried it. I became so surprised by seeing those crazy and wonderful dreams that I had and it gave me a new ray of hope.

There were long hours when all that I would do is to hear music and lay still. I would think about my past, clearing away all the bad and sad memories and filling them with those wonderful moments I had. I started to enhance my skills in art and writing. Slowly I started to forget the gloomy past I had and the bitter memories engraved in it. I started to focus on my future, making plans of what to do next and how to succeed in it. Apart from reading novels and short stories, I started to read lifestyle and non-fictional works. Slowly, my days turned bright and my nights turned soothing.

I never knew that I was changing until I noticed that now I laugh a lot. Even if there is no specific reason, I smile now. It became a habit for me to keep smiling all the time because whenever I am smiling, I feel so warm and light... I feel so calm and I love the way it feels... I started to understand that all those things that I've done before, like thinking about the past and weeping did nothing but pulling me back to darkness.

I understood that my life began when I found out how to get out of that bubble and to find who I am. Now I'm feeling so contented. Now I know how to deal with the negative things in my life, how to overcome them and how to take lessons from them. I changed a lot now and I believe it all happened during that time which I considered boring days. The quarantine and lockdown days helped me to find out who I am and what I'm capable of. And now I understand, that even if we think that something is bad or not so significant can make a great impact on our life which could turn our life into something which we never believed would be.

Now I care about my loved ones and those tiny bits of happiness I'm getting from everyday things. Now I learned how to give little attention to those things which would make me upset and how to focus on things that will make me a better person. It was so fast that I changed from a pessimist one to an optimistic one and I believe that everyone would get a time like this when they get a chance to change themselves into the person they always wished to be. It's all up to us... Whether we are ready to change or not...

Because "you" are the lord of your universe and everything around you depends upon the decisions you make... Therefore make it wiser!! 

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