Dear 12 Year Old Me


It's new, isn't it? New school, new class, new subjects, new uniform, new teachers, new classmates.

You are working hard, aren't you?

You're trying to be a friend, aren't you?

You're trying to be a good student, aren't you?

You're trying to be funny, aren't you?

You're trying to fit in with the popular, aren't you?


But you messed up, didn't you? From having many friends, being crazy, friendly, funny, caring, and warm, how did you end up there? There, in that deserted school playground, on the last day of the 2nd Semester, all alone, crying out loud, on your knees, seeing your "friends" walk away from you. How did that happen? When did it all start? Maybe it was when you cared a little too much. Hey, but you're still a child, we all make mistakes, don't we? You weren't born perfect, it's alright, we are all defected pieces.


Hey, get up from that ground, will you? Wipe your tears, please. It hurts to see you like this. You look helpless, weak, and pitiful. Don't do this yourself. Get up.


You see, they are all laughing. Smile, joke around, and laugh like them. They are cutting the cake, celebrating someone's birthday, they are singing, dancing, eating, and enjoying. Smile, girl, you can smile and pretend this didn't happen, can't you? You're strong. This isn't you. 


It feels lonely, doesn't it? You look left out. You look broken. You're too young to be hurt like this. Don't let this get to you. Don't let this affect you. 


Holidays are over, and you join the 3rd semester three weeks later, so what? You don't have to be anxious. What happened on the last day of the last semester, won't happen again. Hey, it's okay, you're fine, you can do this, can't you?


"You lost your way to school huh?" Just ignore them laughing at you, just ignore it all, and focus on yourself, and your studies. It's okay to not have any friends, go take your seat, and be alone. It's fine, everything will settle down eventually. They are mocking you, they are annoying you, kicking your chair, pretending to whisper secrets but you can hear them talking, right? Talking about you... IGNORE THEM. IGNORE THEM. THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING.


Time passes by, it's all over, right? We are going home for a long holiday, you made friends at the end. Maybe not as close as you wanted it to be, but you aren't alone. You have them, people who love you and maybe admire you, and no matter what happened, you aren't alone. Let them go, bad memories of this year, let them go. Forgive them, forgive yourself, and move on. Don't hold on it. They still look at you in a different way? It's okay, it's okay to be different. Let's walk away. I know you have six more years to go, we can do this. You can do this. School isn't that bad...


Dear 12-Year-Old Me, you were younger, you made mistakes, did stupid stuff, said stupid stuff, but I don't hate you. You're precious to me, you're loved... Always...You were crazy at the start but turned broken and anxious at the end, but I still love you, whoever you are I will always love you...


With Love,