Here's to my self that didn't stop trying

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The words "keep going" on top of pink marker on white paper.

I have no idea how many times I cried myself to sleep, or felt like giving up on life because of all the messed up thoughts and mixed up feelings that kept buzzing around me; and because of the miserable things that kept happening to me, until recently.

I began to recognize how many times I survived those storms.

I started to realize, how strong I am. 

By simply waking up everyday and having a glass of water to keep my body hydrated from all the suffocating feelings and tears from the night before.

By simply taking a bath with really cold water to revive my nerves from all the tiredness after such a long time.

By simply going out, either going to work or to a nearby store to meet people, to loosen the muscles on my face because I was doing nothing but crying the day before.

By simply watching funny videos, to distract my sight because I saw nothing but problems and madness a few days before.

By simply listening to some music, be it sad or happy songs, to distract my hearing, because I was listening to nothing but screams for such a long period of time.

For a start, I'm just simply having a day.

But then, I'm starting to realize that "a day" grows into days, weeks, months, even years. Also, I grow-

By starting to feel grateful for having a chance to have another day to live.

By starting to feel grateful that I can still feel happy and have smile on my face.

With time gratefulness spreads into so many things, into so many little and big things.

What's more, those things also widen into love, self-love.

And have those storms stopped? No, they haven't stopped, they won't stop. They are still here, and will always be here. 

It's just, I managed to build a stronger and better place to survive. And that place, is me.

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