I am selfish! I know that’s not what you should say about yourself, but I have been thinking about how I opened the door to the world and the most beautiful thing happened. But then I closed it shut. At least a little.
It was always my wish to be open and share everything with you, like I always have, but now it’s sort of hard! In the recent past, it was always just me, I didn’t have to worry about anyone else - if what I did or said made them uncomfortable or if it would affect their lives in any negative way. I knew how to manoeuvre difficult situations and not involve my family since I didn’t want them caught in my web.
But now I have a little angel and a big angel. I call my little angel Chimamanda, and the big angel is her daddy. This name, though not as sweet as her real name, came about and stuck in my mind after reading the novel Americanah by this awesome author, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.
I have a feeling my Chimamanda will shake this world and paint it her favourite colours. She has mesmerised us already. At only two weeks old she behaves way past her age - you might mistake her for a two months old lady. And her eyes, her big beautiful eyes that wove me together with her daddy a year plus ago, just open me up and I know I want nothing but to be the best mam there ever was just like they made me want to be the best companion there ever was with the big angel.
My big angel, we’ll be calling him Obinze, the main character in Americanah, too has changed my life in ways I never thought possible. Alone I was strong, but with him I am a rock. Alone I was fulfilled, but with him I am complete. I now understand what it means to be filled with love. He tells me it took him three days just to ask me out for coffee. I remember my heart flutter as it still does when he looks at me and I thought coffee was so not us. So I suggested we have porridge instead - it represented us, very diverse and from the usual norm and when I told him my story, thank God he didn’t jump in fright like the last crush I had before him. Thank God he didn’t tell me we would fast and pray in the mountains till I got healed like the other last one, I would have been devastated. Instead, he asked if I was taking my meds and if correctly. From there henceforth he’s my courage when I fall and my support to ensure I am as healthy as I am.
Just like that, HIV didn’t seem so big, not that it ever did, but from what I have experienced in the past, I knew I had found my angel with a golden heart. He’s my miracle and has brought so much greatness in me. It’s a blessing to be in love truly, and having Chimamanda with him is just the icing on the cake of our love.
There’s an angel for everyone don’t be stuck with a devil just because they say ‘better the devil you know’. The opposite is also true, sometimes the angel you don’t know is the turn-around you have been waiting for. You owe that to yourself and you deserve it.
Just like a pastor’s sermon that brings out the family’s most embarrassing moments as well as awesome moments, I believe my two angels, Chimamanda and Obinze, will always understand that this to me is a calling. I was never outspoken; I was never a writer, but to tell my story has brought a wave so beautiful I can’t explain it.
As the apples of my eyes, there can’t be me without them, and no story without them in it and since I am a sucker for fairy tales. While mine is in play, they will always be the centre that I revolve around. Happy endings are in order. I welcome you back to walk with me. We will sing together, cry together, laugh together, grow old together, and most importantly I want to be an inspiration to you and my little angel Chimamanda.