2021 is probably the loneliest year of my life. But this year is also a year of realization.
Loneliness is so painful. Now people know it very well because of this COVID-19 pandemic, lockdown and isolation. My reason behind experiencing loneliness is different, but the feeling is the same as the neo-normal people talk about.
But when I became used to my solitary life, I started to find out the good sides of it. And came to the realization that solitude changed many of my perceptions.
In two different speeches, there were two lines that touched my heart. In the time of solitude, I realized meaning of those lines with all my heart.
"Stars shine the brightest when the night is darkest."
Everyone is afraid of darkness. I am no different. Loneliness made me depressed, and sometimes snatched away my smile. Those feelings are really hard. And as I got no one by my side, I had to fight with them all by myself. But looking back on it, I realize that the way I fought and dealt with those feelings define me. Those dark experiences made me even more stronger than before. They made me grow up. I learned many things from them. Such as I have learned to love myself the most in the hardest times. Of course, I stumbled, fell down, got hurt. But I can see that I can be my truest self in the time of darkness. Those experiences made me who I am now. So now I am thankful for that time.
"There are some things you can only do in isolation. Such as focusing only on yourself and breaking your own barrier."
I had the opportunity to think about myself more than ever before in the solitude. I thought about myself a lot. I thought about how I could love myself more, take care of myself more and make myself better. I got to know myself even more. I found myself more and more. I found things that I loved, things that could excite me and things that I should avoid. For example, I have realized my connection with books, nature, people I love, and how they contribute in my life. I have learned to find myself. I talk with myself a lot. Now it has become a habit of mine to have some times for myself. To spend some times alone.
Focusing on myself is really a good thing, because it helps me to see the world with my own eyes. And it helps me to find happiness no matter what. There is no point of depending on other people for my happiness. I have realized how simple things is needed to make myself happy.
There are times when things don't work this way. There are times when I feel sad for no reason. When nothing seems to heal me. When I get bored and feel stuck. But I have hope. I believe that times like this will be over soon and good days will come.
Every bad things has their good sides. Isolation is no different.