WE are the ones who come in between our own dreams

"Things change when you get yourself upgraded to college"

Upgraded to College.

Yes upgraded, because I never really understood what that term truly meant. I got myself upgraded to college, but never got the actual feel of college. A few days ago, I went to my nani's place and this is the first conversation she started with me:

"Does mumma give you homemade lunch for school?"

"Yes nani, she gives me lunch and that too is homemade", I blurted out with a smile on my face.

"That is fine. I thought you started eating all that nonsense street food, all those aloo chats and fried unhealthy stuff. Remember girl, never eat those food stuff, they harm your health. Specially don't you dare eat that...what do you people call it, Yes momos. They cause cancer. So don’t you ever try and eat those. A home cooked meal is the best."

That is my nani. Striking a short and precise, to the point conversation with me, every time I go to her.

The point of sharing this conversation isn't that fried food is unhealthy, but showing the changes almost every damn person in college faces, i.e. eating all those street foods with your friends standing beside you and having fun. Yes, having a little fun.

Those changes never came my way (at least in the form of friends).

The first year is a transition phase, from school life we jump to college life. You know, I hear people say that they are really having fun in college, trying new things, new people, new places, new everything. Although I never really had a thing for eating street food every single day, I guess it is fine to sometimes have friends and eat out with them.

It seemed as if everyone knew what they had to do in their first year in college. They had planned lots of stuff, things involving fun with just a sweet sprinkle of study. Why was I never able to plan that fun side out?

"Maybe because I am slightly different from others", is the thing that I used to say to myself. But frankly speaking, I never got a solid answer to my own question. Every person in college is frustrated with their life. But then, the frustration isn't on the level of socialising, it is personal, mainly due to the nagging of their parents and the staff at college.

I never sulked upon myself. I have a really cool brother with whom I can actually talk about anything, parents who support me and lots of family time. Ever since I entered college, that change that many people talk about, never crossed my way. In college, for once I thought that now would be different. In school I was that kid who participated in tons of competitions and never actually spent time in the confines of a classroom. So this isn't the change I am talking about. Yes I know that I wanted to continue to take part in competitions and those development activities, but whenever my thoughts wandered off to the part of college where you enjoy a few fests and those concerts, there was always a part of me that disagreed with it. I always have that nagging feeling, whenever I plan on going to a fun event or bunking a class just to sit with friends. I myself know that sometimes it is fine to indulge in these sort of activities, but there is always a part of me, that disagreed with that idea. 

Imagine a situation where you are dying to make friends yet you never really listen to any of your new friends.

The moment you make new friends or join a group or team disagreement comes in the way. And in some cases we need to get along with advice and the things that your friends tell you to do, basically compromise on a few of your free will acts. I was never that person who compromised on my will, basically I do what I think is right for me and never really care for the peer pressure that comes your way while handling friends.

"I never really had many friends in school so I never got a habit of waiting for people in any way". Here waiting means that moment where you stand idle doing absolutely nothing, waiting for a person who asked you to wait for him while he finishes a mere job of his and after which you two go together to do whatever stuff you were planning to do. This was something I once told a person and he said that he already knew that from my behaviour. And imagine that person still talks to me, walks with me and waits for me. I don't know what he is made of.

But I sometimes feel that making friends is good, but how it is actually done, I still don't know. As a teenager people tend to enjoy the company of their friends, but I on the other hand like to hang out with my brother and my family. Although you get the perks of being close to your family, but somewhere, you get lonely. Lonely because you can see that people are getting a normal and healthy college experience. They get to enjoy those long lists of people calling on their birthdays and those not so fancy birthday bombs on their backs followed by those tacky birthday parties, where their face is not even slightly recognisable because of all the cake spread on their face and the list can go on. Those people tend to enjoy those long talks that they manage to complete during lecture bunks, those inside jokes they share with their friends, those awful leg pull sessions, those after college late evening hangouts, the long talks on phones and whatsapp and many more things.

So the conclusion here being that yes, I really wanted to experience those changes that happened during ones' college life, the perks of things I don't really get while keeping my individuality and taking a stand for myself. I want to try and solve those debates that happen between my mind and my heart whenever I try and convince myself to bunk a class or go to a college fest.

I knew that it as never easy form to do that stuff and it will never be easy in the future, but we can always try doing new things while realising our individuality.

It is not other people who stop us from doing things we want, the culprit is our own self