I was being bullied in school every single day. People always found a way to make me question my self-worth. I started fitting myself into the box of normality just to gain acceptance. But that box wasn’t meant for me. I was meant to be messy, I was meant to be weird, I was meant to shine bright like a diamond and I was meant to stand out, not blend. Read through to discover how I am trying to unbox myself one step at a time.
When I walk myself down memory lane, I find many beautiful experiences that I have missed out on in life. From not letting myself anchor in an event at school only because I thought the other kids would laugh at me, not participating in a dance program organized by our class on the occasion of teachers' day only because my friends didn't allow me to, to not willing to go on school trips only because I could spend a day without being bullied, I realized that I have missed out on life’s most beautiful experiences. I started blaming everyone around me for all my misfortunes. But little did I know that I was to be blamed for all of these. What if I had stood up against everyone who had bullied me and not let them decide what I need to do? Things would have been much better right?
You need to understand that people bully you only when they feel insecure about themselves. So never let anyone make you question your self-worth. You are worthy of all the happiness in the world, you deserve the best and you are complete, you are beautiful and you can accomplish anything in the world.
Life got much better when I entered college. But I still had all my fears from my childhood and teenage years that stuck with me and flashed before my eyes every time I wanted to do something. I wasn't content with who I was, which had a negative impact on my self-confidence. This was when I realized that I need to find the root causes of my problems so that I can unbox myself.
LET ME NOW WALK YOU THROUGH MY JOURNEY OF UNBOXING MYSELF
Firstly I had to let go of the fear of being judged. What if someone laughs at me if I ask something? What if my question doesn’t make sense? What if someone thinks I don't look good today? When I fail will people think I am not good enough? I grew up with these and many more fears. But when I started asking myself if this fear of being judged is actually self-made or does it actually exists, that is when I got my answer. In most cases, it is actually self-made. Just ask yourself, do you really pay attention to anything that anyone does? I personally don’t. If someone is asking something, I probably won’t even remember what the other person asked. I don't even remember how someone looked today. Then why do we create these illusions in our head that we would be laughed at when we do something? All of us are busy in our lives and we couldn’t care less about what someone else is doing. This realization was the first step toward overcoming my fears. The next step would be to do everything that you are afraid of more often. Don't try to escape from those situations, just push through because there is growth on the other side of fear.
The second is to master the art of when and when not to compare yourself with others. Initially, when you start comparing yourself with others, it is natural to always feel the grass is greener on the other side. That leads to demotivation and a sense of self-doubt. This hinders learning and development. Whenever I searched on Google “How can I stop comparing myself with others”, I saw people writing about comparing YOU TODAY v/s YOU YESTERDAY. But that didn’t really make sense to me because it’s easier said than done and it doesn’t really work practically. I can’t just keep telling myself not to compare myself with others, it’s natural to do so. Over time I have discovered the true essence of this and found out the positive aspect of comparing myself with others. What you need to do first is, ask yourself what success means to you. Will you be happy if you get the same thing that the other person has? If not, then there is no point in comparing yourself to that person. If yes, then try to find out what the other person has that made him get it. See if you have those skills. If not, try to acquire them. Try to find your void. Try to channel your energy into upskilling yourself. In this way, you will eventually be working on improving yourself. In the process, you are automatically comparing YOU TODAY vs YOU YESTERDAY. Hence you should always compare yourself with others only to find your void, then use this as a stepping stone to grab every opportunity that brings you closer to your dreams.
When I started letting go of all my fears, in fact facing them, pushing through them and when I started comparing myself to others only to find my void, I felt liberated. Finding the roots of your problems involves asking yourself why you feel the way you are feeling. You need to be your own therapist. Life is very simple but we need to master the art of not letting external conditions meddle with our internal system.