The way you love says a lot about who you are as a person. How often do you smile, how often do you stop and just look at the sky, at the flowers, at other people... at yourself. I often find myself wondering if it is all really worth it. To just love and not expect anything back. Are we supposed to just love and give and give, until we have nothing left for ourselves?
Now, I'm not saying you should just go ahead and give something just because you are expecting to receive something back, after all, giving is not about waiting for something in return. But does this apply the same in friendships? In relationships?
I still struggle to this day to understand how it all works. Do I need to put this person before me? Even if it hurts me?
In my life I've had some really good friends, whom I loved deeply. Friends I knew I could trust and share anything and everything with. Suddenly and swiftly, as time tends to be, they would not be as invested in me as I was in them. Did I do something wrong? Did I change and just wasn't interesting enough for them anymore? Questions of this nature kept me tossing and turning at night. Why did they all of the sudden not show the same amount of interest I showed them? It all seemed pretty unfair to me. To give more. To care more.
Until I realized maybe I was the one who was wrong. Maybe the way I loved was wrong. Maybe I was giving just to receive. Or maybe they never cared about me the way I cared about them.
Until one day I realized that was fine by me.
Because now I finally understand that the problem is not me. The way people love is just as different as we all are. We are all unique souls and someone not showing you the same way of love you show them, does not mean there's something wrong with you. Quite the contrary, actually. You feel too much, you care too deeply and that is something precious in a world as harsh as ours.
Just remember, you do not need to insist or wait for someone to change or to give back. If it hurts you, back away. But do not ever feel the need to become more "hard-hearted". It takes a lot of courage to be kind and the way you love and care about others has more to do with who you are as a person. Whether they deserve your love or not.
You weren't born just to give. That is the beauty of relationships. Mutual love. If someone fails to see this, then it is their loss. Because you are pretty amazing just the way you are.