Who I am and who I want to become

Looking towards the future

So my teacher gave an assignment to write an essay about WHO I’M GOING TO BECOME
Typical right?
But being the procrastinator that I am… I did it three hours before class….
After all how hard can it be?
One hour to plan,
One hour to draft
And one hour to edit
I sat there and began to write…write…write…write
When class had begun and I handed her the essay
I was like "I've been up all night working on this
I deserve nothing less than an A” 
My teacher looked perplexed
Trying to figure out what I meant, holding the page of my future
Torn from the book of my heart
Written by my experiences
She said this is a blank page
How can you work all night on a blank page?
WELL…you see this is not just an ordinary blank page-it is a story
It is a story that hasn’t been written yet because it has only just begun
And you can’t ask me WHO I’M GOING TO BECOME
When I'm now just figuring out WHO I AM
WHO I AM as a child, a person, a sister, a citizen, a friend..a neighbour
My life wasn’t an easy one…but now
But now it’s the time for me to explore
To spread my wings like an eagle, head to the sky and soar!
Because everything I learnt about life
I’ve learnt it from a shopping mall
Like don’t wander off on your own
Don’t speak to strangers
Know who you are and where you came from
Never let go of your mother’s hand no matter what you do...
And if you get lost
Just stand there, stand still,
Until someone finds you
Until someone notices you
Because someone will look for you
Because someone will always miss you…
Not saying that I don’t have dreams
I have dreams... you’d think they were nightmares the way they SSCCRREAAMM!!!
Scream for a better world
Scream for justice,equality, integrity and love
But they really SCREAM for humanity
But you already know that dreams were meant for sleeping
Martin Luther King had a DREAM but now he’s asleep… dreaming
I have no time for dreams
Because if i do dream or shut my eyes for too long
I‘m afraid that I might lose HER
I’d lose Her company, HER love, Her laugh, Her punctuality, Her ups, Her downs
And if i lose HER I’d lose
I’d lose HER forever
And SHE’d slip through my fingers like sand
YES… SHE…TIME waits on no one
So I was not going to waste her writing this essay
Because if I did... I’d be lying
And if I did write this essay
I’d have to write it in the 3rd person because the 1st one is hurting
As I try to hold in the vomit of my tears and wipe the floor to erase my anguish
I purge myself to see clearer
Because when I look in the mirror
All I see a fogged image of WHO I AM
Because I don’t know WHO I AM
Because I AM TRAPPED!!!
Trapped in the castle of my life
Guarded by the fiery breathing dragon-my fears
Giving the caged bird the option to leave… doesn’t make leaving any easier
Giving the answer to a math problem…doesn’t make the workings simpler
Giving all your love to someone/something is never a guarantee that they’ll love you back
So now isn’t the time for me to make harsh, rash and certain decisions...
It’s the time for me to fail, make mistakes and fall on my face over and over- Niagara
But through it all I’ll build a foundation,
I’ll be able to say YES... I’ve learn from experience and become stronger  
And by the grace of God my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ
I’ll be an overcomer
So now when I look into the mirror and stare into my pupils
They become pupils and I’ll started to teach myself…
I’ll start to teach myself that the most beautiful pieces of art comes from the ugliest of situations,
I’ll start to teach myself that flowers bloom after a stormy weather,
And that I can’t give a testimony if I don't go through the test
And I can’t give you a message if I don't go through the mess…
So here is my message to you my dear, poor narrow minded yet certain teacher- with all due respect,
I cannot write an essay about WHO I’M GOING TO BECOME when i’m just figuring out WHO I AM….