A Breath Stuck: Me and My Depression

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'Golden Tears' by Artist Gustav Klimt
The painting 'Golden Tears' by Gustav Klimt is a heart-warming picture that illustrates the complex strata of mental health.

This blog will discuss a specific young person’s experiences with mental health issues and may include references to diagnosis, treatment, or support. This should not be misinterpreted as specialized or medical advice for a particular situation you may be going through. The topic of experiencing mental health challenges may be difficult for some readers. If you or a loved one is struggling with their mental health, please seek support by accessing the following resources: Child Helpline International; Open Counseling Suicide Hotline Database; United for Global Mental Health

If your country does not have a national helpline please seek professional and community support from trained and experienced carers, especially before making any decisions on treatment. 

 

"It's cold. I feel shivery. My heartbeats are speeding. I feel ambiguous. My anxiety is peaking, not letting me breathe. My body seems to freeze & simultaneously I can feel the temperature on my face. What is it? 

Whatever it is, it feels like it's choking me. I want to cry until I pour it all out, but there are people around. I'm afraid, not of the people but of the things I have to explain. This isn't something I can convey but isn't there someone to comfort me and caress me without asking tons of questions and imposing judgments? 

I'm in an extremely chilling and terrible phase. I gathered courage after years to seek out help, but healing isn't an easy journey, said, my therapist. Healing doesn't happen overnight and some traumas take years to heal. I need to keep calm.

Traumas give fierce memories that poke the brain several times a day and pain my heart and body. Those memories trigger me and give me goosebumps, chills, and shivers. I breathe deeply to calm myself. I know there isn't any cure for this other than patience and acceptance. But I still search for the answer to how long have I to bear this.

I have stayed strong all through, till now. This phase is draining a lot of myself and my energy. I am scared, helpless, and ambiguous about my circumstances. I have to accept that I can do nothing but hold myself truly tight to survive through this phase..."

 

This is what my depression sounds like. Depression is blue. You can never know if the happy faces are going through the darkest traumas deep down. The one who appears lazy and uninterested might be numb, exhausted, and burnt out.

Be kind to yourself. Express yourself through journals, doodling, dancing, or anything that helps you vent. Reach out for help to the right people out there. Varying intensities of trauma hit different people differently. Don't compare your traumas and feel weak. You are strong to have been through it all, life asks a bit more of your strength.

#OnMyMind

#MentalHealthMatters

Adyasha,19, India.

"Mental health care is one of the most expensive health care arenas. Be kind to people who seek support and help." -Adyasha, 19, India
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