The word "recovery" often sounds like something hard to do but very beautiful. But again it depends on one's perception of beauty.
Recovery is messy. It is never linear.
Especially if what you're recovering from isn't physical .
It is feeling your best one day, being convinced it is all over, all in the past to waking up feeling down the next day.
Its two steps forward and one back.
But its moving.
Like many others, I grew up believing solely on the physical part of pain. Never associated it with what would later become a life lesson to me.
Anxiety not only scares you but it also strips you down of your self confidence, of your trust in others, of your positivity.
Its hard to try and maintain an anxious free life while thinking so low of yourself.
In the beginning I thought recovery meant a certain period of time, including only progress. Only good days.
Its not. It doesn't. And its essential you understand that the setbacks are part of the big steps towards brighter days.
Recovery is learning to tolerate your mind moving into its path towards peace. Moving along with it. Believing you don't need an exact date of when it will all be over, or a certain image of what it should look like in the end.
I've been waiting for so long for the recovery journey to be over, I've come to realise maybe that is my problem. Waiting.
Seeing the darkness and letting it intimidate me.
But I've learned to be patient, to move along in small secure steps.
Even more to accept the darkness there is in me sometimes and to dance as I pass through it .
That's what beauty is to me. Learning to love yourself completely as you are, believing in your efforts, strengths even bad days for they teach more than you will ever learn elsewhere.