My parents had me after eight years of marriage; I was their first child and you can imagine what kind of a treatment I had. I was a loved kid and both of them tried to provide me with everything I needed. Without a bad intention, but rather out of a pure love, my mother did not pay attention to my diet, so I grew up as an overweight child.
Before school I did not understand what the word ‘fat’ meant but after my first day there I knew that I was different, physically speaking. The kids kept laughing at me and as time passed they started calling me names. Whenever I tried to integrate I failed. For that reason, I became more sensible towards my body – I hated people looking at me and I avoided public places where I could be publicly examined. I was a timid and quiet person; when they laughed at me I never reacted but I decided to build a wall and to act like I was a ghost.
Keeping inside all this pain and memorizing all those names hurt me a lot, but I couldn't speak to anyone and at that time there was no psychological expert at our school that we could talk to when we needed to express ourselves. I faced many problems as a teenager especially with friendships. I thought I had a good entourage but I found out later that the people I thought were my friends, were the ones laughing at my weight problem behind my back and then they started bullying me publicly and in front of everyone.
At some level I hated being the person I was; I couldn't react or say something back, my quiet attitude was an obstacle and my fear of looking like a bad person locked me up inside of a box. I cried all alone and I talked to myself for hours, I tried to convince myself that I don't need them at all and that I am enough. During the high school days, girls around me spent their time having fun whereas the only thing I could think about back then was where I can find jeans in my size. I lost confidence and I felt like a loser because even your good marks won't make bullies stop. People on the street would also comment on my weight; they made me feel so small and miserable, I always thought that I was going to end up alone and that no one would even care if I was hurt or not.
Three years ago, I woke up one morning and I decided to change this weak personality of mine. I looked at myself in the mirror and told the beast that was sleeping inside of me to wake up. I told myself that I need to be stronger and to be the person I really am. I lost weight and I overcame all the memories that I stored inside of me for years. I jumped over the words and bullies and I faced my fears. Talking today about all those feelings and sharing them with you made me actually think that I am a brave girl. To be able to share your true feelings means that you are ready to let go and to move on with your life.
What I came to understand is this "You are your own remedy". When I decided to look differently at things I met true friends and I became a brighter person. I am not the same girl I used to be years ago; I am bolder and braver – now I can do whatever it takes to protect my dreams and to defend my principles.
You can do it as well – turn your weaknesses into strengths and face their words with a smile. Don't change your inner you for them but rather make them change their ideas; be your own warrior and don't give in to their bullying. Don't compromise on the person you are and don't abolish your dreams just to meet their expectations.
I am writing today because for the last few months I’ve been reading about young teenagers committing suicide because they were bullied. I want to tell the ones who are sharing the same ideas that I feel you and I truly understand you because I was there before.
So don't let them win and stand up for your right to exist because no word can make you give up on your life, you are worth this it.
They think that they are stronger than we are because they can bully us but what they don't know is that bullying is a weakness and nobody is perfect. If you think you are and you start judging people upon this statement you will eventually prove yourself wrong.
My dears, only cowardly hearts soak in despair, so be brave and accept your imperfections. You are beautiful, smart, wise, young and brave, you are the star, and your success will be limitless like the sky.
Peace and Love